Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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