Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Please don't give away my fajitas
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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