dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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