I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
