The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize