im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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