Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
