what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize