ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
