I heard we made out
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
