I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
