you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
