Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
