That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
