Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
