On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
