i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
