Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
