The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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