I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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