I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
