on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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