You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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