Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
