great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
