i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
