I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
