the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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