So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize