You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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