Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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