so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
