Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
