My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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