It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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