i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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