I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
3pm strippers are depressing
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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