So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
