i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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