I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
