apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
