Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
