no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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