An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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