I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
