be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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