Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
