where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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