I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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