Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
