She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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