last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
