3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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