Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize