Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
