I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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