Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize