this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
