Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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