Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
