you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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