if you like me you must not know who I am
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
