Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
bring money and cleavage
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
