Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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